Only stoics boast of their efforts to completely suppress anger. We have better lessons: Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. Anger must be limited and restrained, both in its intensity and its duration.
First, we will talk about how a person can soften and calm their natural inclination and habit of getting angry. Then, how to suppress angry impulses or at least restrain oneself from doing harm. Lastly, what provokes or calms anger in others.
As for the first point, there is no other way but to carefully and thoroughly consider the consequences of anger and how much discomfort it brings to a person. And the most suitable time for that is to reflect on anger after it completely subsides. Seneca rightly says that anger is like something that shatters upon impact. The Bible admonishes us to teach our souls patience. Whoever loses patience loses control over their soul. People should not become like bees animasque in vulnere ponunut [that leave their stings behind]. There is something ignoble in anger, as shown by the weakness of those it dominates: children, women, the elderly, and the sick. People should only make sure to carry their anger with scorn rather than fear; this way, they will appear above offense, rather than affected by it; it is easy to achieve if one determines it for oneself.
As for others, anger essentially has three motives or causes.
First, when a person is overly sensitive to insult; because no one is angry if they do not feel offended; that is why easily offended and sensitive individuals are often angry; they are bothered by many things that the less sensitive hardly notice.
Then, if a person suspects or interprets that the insult was driven by contempt; because contempt sharpens anger as much, if not more, than the insult itself. Therefore, when people are clever at finding signs of disparagement, they further fuel their anger.
Finally, anger intensifies and sharpens if a person believes that the insult was intended as a deliberate provocation; because it is natural for people to respond with greater anger when they think they have been deliberately provoked. of their reputation being hurt.
The remedy for that is what Konsalvo often said: telam honoris crassiorem (honor made of stronger fabric).
However, in restraining anger, the best remedy is to secure time for oneself and convince oneself that the moment for revenge has not yet arrived, but to keep that moment in mind; thus a person calms themselves, still retaining their right to revenge.
In order to avoid doing evil in anger, two things should be particularly taken care of.
First, one should be careful with very strong words, especially if they are sharp and piercing; because communia maledicta (common insults) are not something to be taken lightly; likewise, one should not reveal secrets in anger, as it makes a person unpleasant to be around.
And second, one should not sever ties permanently in a fit of anger; no matter how much one shows their resentment, one must not do anything irreparable.
As for provoking and appeasing the anger of others: people will first burst into anger when they are most displeased and in the worst mood. Likewise, accumulating (as already mentioned) everything that increases the feeling of contempt will provoke anger.
Two remedies are opposite to that.
The first is to choose a favorable opportunity, when a person is cheerful and in a good mood, to tell them something that would otherwise make them angry because the first impression is very important; the second is to prevent, as much as possible, the offense from being interpreted as a sign of contempt, but rather as a misunderstanding, fear, anger, or whatever.