Emotional intelligence, or EQ, enables us to better understand, regulate, and manage our own emotions, as well as to successfully communicate and understand the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence consists of several key components, including self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Self-awareness allows us to recognize and understand our own emotions and their impact on our behavior. Self-regulation helps us control and manage emotions to achieve desired goals. Motivation gives us the strength and persistence to continue and succeed despite difficulties. Empathy is the ability to understand and sympathize with the emotions of others. Social skills enable us to successfully communicate, resolve conflicts, and build healthy relationships with others.
Emotional intelligence has become a key skill in the modern world, where emotional connection, understanding, and support among people are increasingly valued. It helps us cope better with stress, make rational decisions, achieve successful careers, and maintain satisfying relationships with our loved ones.
In recent years, psychologists have been increasingly mentioning emotional intelligence. Namely, it has been observed that the popular intelligence quotient IQ, or academic intelligence, is not a measure of intelligent behavior or adaptation in everyday life situations. People with high IQ often experience failure in the workplace, social interactions, maintaining mature and stable relationships, or dealing with difficulties and crises.
Research has shown that IQ accounts for only 20% of the factors that determine life success, while the remaining 80% falls into the so-called domain of emotions. Figuratively speaking, a person uses two types of minds: rational and emotional. The rational mind thinks, analyzes, and concludes based on objective evidence, it is logical and grounded. The emotional mind is quick, impulsive, intuitive, it prompts action before we have had time to think. Sometimes it gives a distorted picture of reality guided by selective memory, sometimes it serves as a source of self-justification and rationalization. However, a well-guided emotional mind, or emotional intelligence, allows us to better understand, regulate, and manage our emotions, as well as successfully communicate and understand the emotions of others.
Emotional intelligence consists of several key components, including self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Self-awareness enables us to recognize and understand our own emotions and their impact on our behavior. Self-regulation helps us control and manage emotions in order to achieve desired goals. Motivation gives us the strength and persistence to continue and succeed despite difficulties. Empathy is the ability to understand and sympathize with the emotions of others. Social skills enable us to communicate successfully, resolve conflicts, and build healthy relationships with others.
Emotional intelligence has become a crucial skill in the modern world, where emotional connection, understanding, and support between people are increasingly valued. It helps us better cope with stress, make rational decisions, achieve successful careers, and maintain satisfying relationships with our loved ones. The emotional mind provides energy for great deeds, the ones that our rational mind tells us are “not worth it”. Therefore, we can say that the most beautiful human virtues reside in it: self-sacrifice, selflessness, nobility, generosity. Intelligent behavior depends on the harmony of these two minds. In everyday situations, there is a balance between them, but unpredictable life circumstances bring the emotional mind to the forefront.
What is emotional intelligence?
Until the 1980s, intelligence was equated with the capacity of our rational mind which is genetically determined and over which we cannot have much influence during our lives, especially after the period of maturation. Accordingly, intelligence tests were designed that require quick adaptation and understanding of the relationships between abstract elements of the test tasks. Success in these tests requires the examinee to have a “cool head”, calm and concentrated problem-solving, while emotions are treated as a disruptive factor and are tried to be excluded.
Of course, Life rarely brings such sterile situations and the opportunity to solve problems without emotional disturbance, so this measured intelligence is a weak indicator of success in life. However, it is completely unjustified that IQ has become an important criterion for selection for various professions or enrollment in certain schools.
American psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey developed the theory of emotional intelligence in the 1980s, emphasizing that intelligent adaptation in diverse life situations is influenced more by traits rooted in emotions than by cold and objective data processing. When emotions prevail, “academic” intelligence can be completely meaningless, so intelligent behavior largely depends on how well we manage our emotional mind.
Psychologists have categorized the traits of emotional intelligence into five main areas: self-awareness, self-control, self-motivation, empathy, and social skills. They manifest themselves through two types of relationships that a person develops throughout their life: the relationship with oneself and the relationship with others.
Relationship with oneself
The fundamental ability of emotional intelligence, from which all others stem, is self-awareness. It is the ability of a person to impartially and emotionally unengagedly observe and judge oneself, becoming aware of their inner world and external behavior. The more we are capable of, the more we know and understand ourselves. Developed self-awareness gives us authenticity, stability, and the security to accept ourselves as we are, but it also encourages constructive change when we notice our own shortcomings.
Self-awareness leads to self-control or managing one’s own emotions. It is well-known that temperament is biologically predetermined, but that does not mean we cannot consciously act on our experiences and reactions. The Latin term “temperantia” means moderation and self-control, so the very meaning of this word tells us what we should do with our emotions. It is necessary to create a useful means of expressing human nature from raw energy.
Managing emotions does not mean violently suppressing and repressing them, but rather educating oneself in terms of experiencing and reacting. Instinctive, impulsive reactions that result from uncontrolled outbursts of emotions cause unpredictable consequences, often contrary to what we wanted to achieve, so they cannot be considered intelligent behavior. Intelligent behavior requires appropriate emotions that correspond to the situation we find ourselves in.
And finally, our ability to manage our own emotions determines how capable we will be of motivating ourselves to achieve a goal. The root of self-motivation lies in controlling negative emotions and mobilizing positive ones. Moodiness, anxiety, and fear of failure can be so strong that they hinder concentration and suffocate mental abilities. On the other hand, positive thoughts, optimism, self-confidence, hope, and belief in success enable better performance. the cultivation of existing intellectual potential. The strength of positive emotions determines how much energy and perseverance we will put into overcoming difficulties in achieving a goal, and therefore our success in what we do.
The ultimate expression of self-motivation is a state of ecstasy in which a person is completely devoted to what they are doing, forgetting about themselves and everyday life, motivated by the pure satisfaction that the activity brings them. Work brings pleasure, it is done effortlessly and with the greatest efficiency. The state of ecstasy is characterized by a high degree of concentration that differs from the usual conscious attention achieved through willpower. This concentration is relaxed and unaffected by emotional excitement. It is as if consciousness exists outside of time and space, in some higher dimensions where the laws of this world do not apply. An interesting paradox is revealed by measuring brain cortical activity. One would expect that brain activity is heightened during a state of ecstasy, but it has been shown that even The most challenging tasks are performed with minimal expenditure of mental energy.
Relationship with Others
According to the theory of emotional intelligence, two key qualities that build quality relationships with other people are empathy and social skills.
Empathy is the ability to recognize and understand the feelings of others. It is based on self-awareness, because someone who doesn’t understand themselves and their own feelings cannot understand the feelings of others. Since the “language” in which emotions are expressed is nonverbal, empathy is connected to the ability to read nonverbal signs of communication: gestures, facial expressions, tone of speech, etc. Empathy is the source of compassion, consideration of others’ needs, altruism, and a generally humane attitude towards other people. Additionally, empathy is the foundation of moral judgment and action, the sense of justice, and respect for social norms. Research has shown that sociopaths, abusers, and individuals with criminal behavior who do not respect moral or legal norms do not possess the ability to empathize and understand the feelings of others. of emotions of others.
Our social skills determine how well we’ll navigate interactions with other people. It is precisely the inability to connect that often leads to failures in interpersonal relationships that people experience, despite their intellectual or moral characteristics. In every interaction, emotional signals are exchanged that have a greater impact than spoken words. Because of these signals, someone may be charming, popular, and accepted in society, while someone else may be disliked and rejected. Emotional intelligence involves good control over the exchange of these signals, monitoring what we receive from others, as well as what we send out into the environment. And here, a prerequisite is a well-developed self-awareness. Otherwise, an excessive desire for acceptance creates social chameleons who listen to the emotions and opinions of others in order to adapt.
The concept of emotional intelligence provides a much deeper and more complex view of intelligent human behavior. It is no longer just cold, rational problem solving. It’s not just about being capable and adaptable in new situations, but about expressing humane nature in all its aspects, from instinctual to moral and ethical. An intelligent person is someone who knows themselves well and has self-control. They don’t give in to their own instincts and empty desires for pleasure because they know how to delay immediate gratification for the sake of a more distant and valuable goal. They possess inner strength to consistently strive for their set objectives, without fearing effort or difficulties, without burdening themselves with the possibility of failure. Their goals are not and cannot be selfish, motivated solely by personal gain, because they feel and recognize the needs of others. That’s why they can sacrifice their own interests and act selflessly, nobly, and generously. If they also have desirable social skills, they will be accepted and liked, giving them the ability to influence and change the world around them. Lastly, with developed emotional intelligence, existing intellectual abilities can be fully expressed.
Traditional Teachings and Emotional Intelligence
It is interesting that similar views on intelligence have long been present in traditional teachings about humans. Of course, this similarity is significantly limited by the different starting point regarding what a human being is. While tradition sees humans as beings who have their transient but also eternal spiritual nature, modern science is focused only on transient existence, the visible and measurable one. However, even though science ignores the spiritual origin of humans, it seems that in some of its conclusions it is getting closer to traditional teachings. Control of instinctive, animalistic nature, moral behavior, a sense of togetherness and responsibility for others, which are discussed in the theory of emotional intelligence, are fundamental requirements that religious and philosophical teachings of all ancient cultures and civilizations place before humans as a prerequisite for their spiritual development. Once again, it is shown that tradition contains wisdom that our civilization is painstakingly rediscovering.
By considering humans primarily as spiritual beings, who go through the process of evolution of their human nature during their material existence, according to traditional teachings, intelligent behavior is considered to be the one that aids this development. For example, Eastern teachings speak of two types of minds. The first is kama manas, the lower mind, or the mind of desires, whose task is to ensure the successful functioning of humans in the transient reality. The second, higher mind is manas or pure intelligence, which channels the impulses of the immortal nature of humans, their true Self.
In humans, impulses of both minds meet on a daily basis. The first one encourages self-care and the satisfaction of needs and desires that arise from life in the material reality, while the second one reminds them of their spiritual origin, providing them with the motivation to transcend transient needs in the name of a higher and more valuable goal. Intelligence is manifested in everyday life situations through the intelligent selection of actions guided by the higher mind.
Noble, selfless? The increasing number of divorces and family breakdowns, abuse, social injustice, and violence caused by different skin color or religion are the best indicators of today’s human ability to feel and understand others. Perhaps the only area where our civilization shows progress is in social communication and skills, but even that is more of a result of sophistic attempts to convince others of our own truth rather than emotional intelligence.
The future of this world lies in the younger generations, who should learn emotionally intelligent behavior from adults. Considering that adults do not behave emotionally intelligently, they have nothing to teach their children. Children show us this every day through their increasingly prevalent psychological and physical cruelty, disregard and disrespect for authority, earlier drug consumption, obsession with computer games that have replaced social interactions and friendships, thus raising a generation of alienated and self-sufficient individuals. In some schools in the West, a change has been introduced to combat this trend, where emotional intelligence is being There are programs for emotionally educating children, but the problem is much deeper to be solved with these, for now, sporadic efforts.
And here traditional teachings are confirmed. The fact is that all the technological achievements of this civilization, a more comfortable and materially secure life, have not brought us happiness or inner satisfaction. The focus on transient and material things has distanced humans from their true nature, causing unintelligent living, so unintelligent that our greed, selfishness, and consumerism now threaten the very planet we live on, and even our own physical survival.
Perhaps the most dangerous consequence of this globally unintelligent behavior is the feeling of helplessness in today’s people in the face of the increasingly evident crisis of modern civilization. It seems that we cannot change anything and passively accept the rules of the game. However, the world is not an amorphous mass, it is made up of people, individuals, each one of us, and that’s why everyone needs to take on the burden of responsibility. One of the characteristics of emotional Emotional intelligence is an active approach and facing problems, the belief that we are capable of taking action, and perseverance despite difficulties. If we want a better and more humane world, the simplest and most intelligent thing to do is to start making it that way ourselves, primarily by making ourselves better and more humane individuals. Because no matter how much this world affects us, everything depends only on our free will to do what is right.
In the book Emotional Intelligence, author Daniel Goleman mentions a charming story from life, told to him by his friend Terry, as an example of emotionally intelligent behavior.
Terry was in Japan, studying the martial art of Aikido. One afternoon, he was returning home on a train when a belligerent, towering, heavily intoxicated and dirty worker entered the carriage:
“Staggering, this man began terrorizing the passengers: shouting profanities, he first made a swing towards a woman holding a child in her lap, causing her to almost fall onto an elderly man.” A couple who then got up and joined the mass escape to the other end of the carriage. The drunkard swung his fists angrily several times, missing his target, and then with a scream he grabbed hold of the metal pole in the middle of the carriage and tried to tear it out of its holder.
At that moment, Terry, who had been practicing Aikido for eight hours a day and was in top shape, felt compelled to intervene so that no one would get seriously hurt. But then he remembered his teacher’s words: “Aikido is the art of reconciliation. Anyone who is ready to fight has broken their connection with the universe. If you try to dominate the people around you, you are already defeated. We study ways of resolving conflicts, not starting them.”
Terry also recalled that during the first lectures, he had promised his teacher that he would never initiate a fight and that he would only use his martial arts skills in self-defense. Now he finally saw an opportunity to test his Aikido skills in real life. And this was undoubtedly a justified situation. And so, T erry, while the other passengers sat still in their seats, stood up, slowly and thoughtfully.
Seeing him, the drunk man shouted, “Aha! A foreigner! You could use a lesson in Japanese etiquette!” and began to prepare to attack Terry.
But just as the drunk man was about to take the first step, someone shouted with all their might, in an unusually cheerful voice, almost yelling: “Hey!”
In that shout, there was a cheerful tone that made it seem as if that someone had just unexpectedly recognized a dear friend. The drunk man turned around in surprise and saw a tiny Japanese man, about seventy years old, sitting dressed in a kimono. The old man joyfully and happily watched the drunk man, beckoning him with a gentle hand gesture and a bright smile, saying, “Come.”
The drunk man approached him defiantly, saying, “Why the hell should I talk to you?”. Meanwhile, Terry was getting ready to take down the drunk man in case he made even the slightest violent move.
“What have you been drinking?” the old man asked, observing with great joy. helping a drunk worker.
“I was drinking sake, and it’s none of your business”, the drunkard shouted.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, absolutely marvelous,” the old man replied warmly. “You know, I also love sake. Every evening, my wife (who is seventy-six, you know) and I warm up a bottle of sake, take it out to the garden, and sit on an old wooden bench…” And so he continued to talk about the apple tree in his yard, his garden, and the enjoyment of sake in the evening.
While listening to the old man, the drunkard’s face became gentler, his hands were no longer clenched: “Yes… I also love apples,” he said.
“Yes,” said the old man with an animated voice, “I’m sure you have a wonderful wife.”
“No,” said the worker. “My wife passed away…” Sobbing, he began to tell the sad story of how he lost his wife, his home, his job, and how he feels ashamed of himself.
The train then stopped at Terry’s station. As he was leaving, he looked back and heard the old man inviting the drunkard to join him and tell him everything about himself. And then he spotted a drunkard who stretched out on the seat, resting his head in the old man’s lap.”