Francis Bacon – On Friendship
It is difficult to express more truth and falsehood in fewer words than the one who said that whoever enjoys solitude is either a wild beast or a god. It is indeed true that inherent and hidden hatred and aversion towards society in a person have something of a wild beast, but it is completely false that there is any indication of the divine in that enjoyment, unless it stems not from the enjoyment of solitude, but from love and desire for seclusion for a more elevated way of life: as it is known that this was done falsely and hypocritically by some pagans like Epimenides of Crete, Numa Pompilius of Rome, Empedocles of Sicily, and Apollonius of Tyana, as well as genuinely and truly by some ancient hermits and church fathers.
However, people rarely understand what solitude is and what it entails. Because a crowd is not society, and faces are just a gallery of pictures and conversation is just a cymbal that clangs where there is no love. The Latin saying partially expresses this: Magna civitas, magna solitudo (Great city, great solitude). Oh, the great solitude; because in a big city, friends are scattered far apart, so there generally isn’t that sense of companionship that exists in smaller communities.
But, we can go even further and truthfully claim that true and cowardly solitude is when one doesn’t have genuine friends, because without them, the world is nothing but emptiness. It can also be said that someone who, due to their own nature and feelings, is incapable of friendship, resembles beasts rather than humans.
The most important benefit of friendship is the relief and liberation of a heart full and swollen with an outburst of all kinds of emotions. We know that blockages and stifling illnesses are most dangerous for the body, and it’s not much different when it comes to the soul; you can take a flea bomb to open up the liver, iron water for the gallbladder, sulfur flower for the lungs, beaver extract for the brain, but there is no recipe for opening up the heart like a true friend, with whom you can share sorrows, joys, fears, hopes, doubts, and everything that weighs on your heart.
It is remarkable to notice how All great kings and rulers appreciate this fruit of friendship that we are talking about so much that they often buy it, putting their own safety and greatness at risk. Because rulers, because of their position in relation to subjects and servants, cannot pick this fruit unless they elevate some individuals to the point where they are, so to speak, companions and almost equal to themselves, which often leads to trouble.
Modern languages call such individuals pets or favorites, as if it is a need for love or companionship. But the Roman term participes curarum (participants in concerns) shows their true role and purpose, because that is what binds them.
And we clearly see that not only weak and capricious rulers acted in this way, but also the wisest and greatest politicians who have ever ruled. They often tied some of their servants to themselves and called each other friends, and also allowed others to call them by that name, using the word as it is used among When Lucius Sulla was in command of Rome, he elevated Pompey (later known as the Great) so highly that Pompey boasted superiority over Sulla. You see, when Pompey secured the consulship for one of his friends, going against Sulla’s candidate, Sulla was somewhat displeased and criticized him. In response, Pompey angrily told Sulla to calm down, stating that people respect the rising sun more than the setting one.
Decimus Brutus had such influence over Julius Caesar that Caesar named him as his successor in his will, after his nephew. This man had such power over Caesar that he led him to his death. You see, when Caesar wanted to postpone the Senate due to a bad omen, especially because of a dream Calpurnia had, this man gently took Caesar by the hand and helped him up from his chair, telling him that he hoped Caesar wouldn’t postpone the Senate until his wife dreamt of a better omen.
And it seems that his favoritism was so great that in a letter, Antony explicitly mentioned him in one of Cicero’s speeches. Philippic, referred to as venomous, sorcerer, as if he had enchanted Caesar. Augustus elevated Agrippa (although of low birth) so high that when he sought advice from Maecenas about marrying his daughter Julia, Maecenas felt free to tell him that he must either marry his daughter to Agrippa or take Agrippa’s life – there is no third way, that’s how great he made him.
During the reign of Tiberius Caesar, Sejanus rose to such heights that they called him friends and considered them so. In a letter, Tiberius says to him, haec pro amicitia nostra non occultavi (in regards to our friendship, I have not concealed this from you), and the entire Senate dedicated an altar to Friendship, as if to a goddess, in honor of their great and warm friendship. Similarly, or even greater, was the friendship between Septimius Severus and Plautianus.
Namely, Septimius forced his eldest son to marry Plautianus’ daughter and often sided with Plautianus when he insulted his son; similarly, in a letter senatus He says: “I love that man so much that I want him to outlive me.
Now, if these rulers had been like Trajan or Marcus Aurelius, one could think that all of this had arisen from an abundance of inherent goodness. But these were people so wise, so strong and serious in spirit, and so self-centered, that their own happiness (although the greatest that can happen to a mortal) seemed only half complete to them, and they needed friends to complement it. And although they were rulers who had wives, sons, nephews, all of them could not provide them with the support that friendship gives.
We must not forget what Komim says about his first master, Duke Karl the Bold: namely, that he did not disclose his secrets to anyone, least of all those secrets that caused him the greatest concern. And then he goes on to say that towards the end of his life, this silence harmed the duke and diminished his ability to understand. Komim could certainly, if he wanted to, have reached the same verdict on his second master, Louis XI.” Whose confinement has truly become his torturer. The Pythagorean saying is dark, but true: Cor ne edito (Do not eat the heart). Indeed, if we want to use a heavy word, people who have no friend before whom they can open their soul are cannibals of their own heart. But there is something even more miraculous (and with that, I will conclude about the first fruit of friendship), and that is that this confiding in a friend has two opposite effects: it doubles joy and halves sorrow.
For whoever shares their joy with a friend, rejoices even more; and whoever shares their sorrow with them, sorrows less. Thus, this truly affects the human soul in the same way that alchemists believe their stone affects the human body: producing opposite effects, yet for the good and benefit of nature. But even without invoking the help of alchemists, this is clearly seen in the ordinary workings of nature.
For, in bodies, bonding enhances and promotes every natural action, and on the other hand, weakens and numbs some intense impression. The same goes for matters of the soul. The second benefit of friendship is healthy and effective understanding, just as the first is for feelings. Indeed, just as friendship turns storms and emotional turmoil into a clear day, it also turns darkness and confusion of thoughts into the daylight of understanding.
This does not only refer to the sincere advice one receives from a friend, but even before reaching that point, it is certain that anyone burdened with many thoughts will make their spirit and understanding clearer by discussing and talking about them with someone else: they can see them from different perspectives more easily; they can organize them better; see how they look when formed in words; and ultimately, a person becomes wiser than before, and more so after an hour of conversation than after a whole day of thinking.
It was well said by Themistocles to the Persian king that speech is like a colorful carpet, its images are visible when unrolled and spread out; on the contrary, they are hidden and unclear when rolled up. This other The fruit of friendship, which consists of better understanding, is not only about those friends who can give advice (they are indeed the best), but without it, a person learns from themselves, expresses their own thoughts into the light, and sharpens their spirit like a grindstone that sharpens even though it doesn’t cut.
In short, for a person, it is better to converse with a statue or a painting than to let their thoughts remain suppressed. Now, add to this, for the second fruit of friendship to be complete, and that which lies more visibly, and falls within the framework of ordinary observation; namely, sincere advice from a friend. Heraclitus rightly says in one of his enigmatic sayings: Dry light is always the best. And it is certain that the light a person receives from someone’s advice is drier and purer than that which comes from their own understanding and judgment, which is always saturated with their feelings and habits.
However, the help of good advice is most beneficial for conducting affairs properly. And if someone thinks to seek advice, but only partially, seeking advice on one matter from one person, and on another matter from another – that is good (in fact, it may be better than not seeking advice at all); but then they expose themselves to two dangers: firstly, that the advice will not be honest; because that is rare and only comes from a perfect and true friend, otherwise the advice will be twisted and skewed to serve the purpose of the one giving the advice.
And secondly, that they receive harmful and unreliable advice (although with good intentions), or partially harmful, and is partially healing; just like when you call a doctor who is considered good at treating the disease you are complaining about, but doesn’t know your body, so it may happen that he cures you of the current illness, but on the other hand, ruins your health and thus heals the disease but kills the patient.
But a friend who is well acquainted with the condition you are in, will take care not to cause other troubles while helping you in a current task. And that is why you should not rely on numerous advice; they confuse and mislead more than they resolve and guide. After these two noble fruits of friendship (calmness of feeling and support of reason), the final fruit follows, which is like a pomegranate full of many seeds: I mean help and participation in many ventures and opportunities.
There is no better way to vividly demonstrate the manifold benefits of friendship than to look and see how much there is that a person cannot accomplish alone; and it will become clear that the ancient saying: A friend is a second self, is incomplete because a friend j s not only that. People have their own time, and often die before achieving what is dear to their heart: taking care of a child, completing a project, and the like.
But if a person has a true friend, they can be almost certain that these matters will be taken care of even after their own departure. Therefore, in terms of their desires, one could say that a person has two lives. A person has a body, and that body is bound to a particular place; but where friendship exists, all of life’s tasks are, so to speak, guaranteed to them and their delegate. Because they can accomplish them through their friend.
How many things are there that a person, out of shame or because they don’t seem fitting, can’t say or do on their own? A person may hesitate to boast of their own merits due to their own modesty, and especially to exaggerate them; sometimes they are unable to beg or plead, and much more.
But all of these things, which would cause embarrassment if spoken by one’s own mouth, seem appropriate when heard from the mouth of a friend. Similarly, a person truly lives when they can share their joys and sorrows with a friend, and can rely on their support and understanding. In many special relationships that cannot be ignored: he can only speak to his son as a father; to his wife only as a husband; to his enemy only under certain conditions.
However, a friend can speak as needed, not as demanded by the status of the interlocutor. But the list of these things is endless; I have stated the rule that where a person cannot properly play his role alone, if he has no friends – he can leave the stage.