Francis Bacon – On Conversation
Some people in conversation are more interested in impressing others with their wit, by being able to talk about everything, rather than with their reasoning – the ability to discern what is true; as if it is praiseworthy to know how to talk about something, rather than to reason correctly. Some are good at certain general subjects or topics, but lack diversity; this kind of poverty is usually boring, and when noticed, it becomes ridiculous. The most honorable role in conversation is in its initiation, and then in directing and transitioning to something else, because a person then holds the reins. It is good to bring changes, arguments, stories with reasoning into discussions and conversations, to ask questions while expressing opinions, to mix humor with serious matters; because it is boring when someone bores and pesters too much with anything. As for jokes, there are certain things that should be spared: namely, religion, state affairs, prominent individuals, anyone’s currently important work, and anything deserving of compassion. However, there are some who believe that they are better off on their own. The spirit fell asleep if nothing hits a nerve. That is a wire that needs to be tamed: Spare, boy, use the reins more tightly but sparing the spur.
And in general, people should be able to distinguish between salty and bitter. Surely, whoever has a satirical wire and makes others afraid of his wit, should also be afraid of others’ memory. Whoever asks a lot, will learn a lot and please others, especially if they adapt their questions to the knowledge of those they ask; because they will give them the opportunity to please themselves by speaking, while constantly gathering knowledge themselves. But let their questions not be unpleasant because that is more suitable for an investigator. And let them certainly give others the opportunity to speak. Even if there are those who would like to rule and occupy all the time, one should find a way to interrupt them and introduce others into the conversation, just as musicians usually do with those who dance a galliard for too long. If you sometimes pretend not to know what people think you know, next time they will consider that you know what you pretend not to know. What you don’t know is that rarely do you need to talk about yourself and carefully choose what you say. I knew someone who was talked about with ridicule: That person must be intelligent because they talk so much about themselves.
There is only one case when a person is allowed to praise themselves and when it is appropriate, and that is when praising someone else’s virtue, especially if it is a virtue they themselves possess. Offensive words about others should be used sparingly because conversation should be like a field, not like a path that leads to someone’s house. I knew two noblemen from the western side of England, one of whom was inclined to mockery but always held royal feasts at his house. The other had the habit of asking the people sitting at the table of the first nobleman: Tell me honestly, has there been any teasing or sarcasm? The guest would then reply: This and that happened. And the nobleman would say: I knew that he would ruin a good dinner.
Thoughtfulness in speech is more important than eloquence, and speaking appropriately with one’s interlocutor is more important than speaking with good vocabulary. Words or good order. A long uninterrupted speech, without the participation of the interlocutor, shows irrationality, and a response without a composed presentation shows shallowness and weakness. As we can see in animals – those who are weakest in the race are the most agile in turning; just like a greyhound and a rabbit differ. Dwelling too much on details before getting to the point is tedious; not dwelling at all is impolite.
From the book: Francis Bacon: Essays or Political and Moral Advice